best line from the million cover letters i read today

Culture, race, and language can be dividing, but the humanity in all of us is ever present and aching to be acknowledged and respected.

Puke!

best line overheard today

Are you ready to kick ass for mother earth! Screamed by one of those lovely PIRG volunteers.

why do I suck at slap jack

I was out with friends last night. we went to a bar, as you do...and dorkily played cards all night. ERF or slap jack is the most addictive game I have ever played, and I couldn't be worse at it. It seems like a basic concept...slap the jacks. I never even came close to getting one. Once I did slap at it, of course the other two peeps had already both slapped and removed the cards. I slapped an empty table people! speed and accuracy apparently not my forte.

what?!?!?!

I ate vagina brittle, and didn't get the damn job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

interview...and if you are sensitive don't read

it has been a while! So I finally had my interview. I arrive a little early. I go into the bathroom. There are 2 stalls and 2 sinks. This is important. As I am TCB someone else comes in and occupies the other stall. I leave and WASH MY HANDS. As we all do when leaving the bathroom, right? Well, out comes the person interviewing me. She tells me where we are meeting and leaves. Yep, that is right, no washing. Gross. So I go in and she offers me peanut brittle...which I love and can't say no to. Do I say sure...no. Do I say I am fine thanks...no. I say I LOVE peanut brittle. And she offers it to me. The piece in her hand. Her right hand. The one that she wiped her cooter with and then didn't wash. The one that is now infesting the peanut brittle in my hands. And I am in an interview...and I ate it. I have pussy in my stomach and I hate myself.

I better get this damn job.

I was wrong?

So my boss just called me and lo and behold told me the conversation we had where she offered me the job was confidential and that I wasn't to tell anyone!! This is sounding very fishy...Apparently now I have to go through an interview process that is "just a formality".

hooray!

So, my boss offered me a promotion. It is true. We had a meeting at the district office and she told me that they were creating a new position and they want to give it to me. Perhaps they aren't totally crazy up in that joint!