what are cabs for if not this

imagine...you are standing outside waiting for a cab in the pouring rain. Your friend has just finished throwing up on the steps of the four star restaurant you were just kicked out of. the cab pulls up, looks at the throw up and keeps driving. Seriously, we waited like 40 minutes for that cab. and isn't that your job. to take drunk people home. Now I have to make bad choices...again. F-you.

like a sledgehammer to my ears

Please go listen to this. It is horrifying. And something for you all to think about...my cousin michael hates all michael jackson's music but has every paris and lindsay lohan album. and not in an ironic way. he is from canada...but is that really an excuse.
http://www.kiisfm.com/pages/paris/

beer thief

Now you know as well as i do when you go to a party you bring yourself some liquor and expect other people to drink some of it. But seriously, when I arrive at the party and put the beer in the cooler, go to the bathroom, and come back to get one only to find every last one is already gone...you sir are an ass.

on a side note, i love paula deen. It makes me miss georgia, and i never thought i would. And for the record, Bernie's Bistro does not have good fried chicken. fried chicken without bones in is an abomination.

best line from the million cover letters i read today

Culture, race, and language can be dividing, but the humanity in all of us is ever present and aching to be acknowledged and respected.

Puke!

best line overheard today

Are you ready to kick ass for mother earth! Screamed by one of those lovely PIRG volunteers.

why do I suck at slap jack

I was out with friends last night. we went to a bar, as you do...and dorkily played cards all night. ERF or slap jack is the most addictive game I have ever played, and I couldn't be worse at it. It seems like a basic concept...slap the jacks. I never even came close to getting one. Once I did slap at it, of course the other two peeps had already both slapped and removed the cards. I slapped an empty table people! speed and accuracy apparently not my forte.

what?!?!?!

I ate vagina brittle, and didn't get the damn job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!